Change is an inevitable part of life. Things will always change, whether we want them to or not. Some changes are good, while others, not so much. Sometimes, what we once believed was a good thing doesn’t turn out that way down the road.
Think about the fabulous things we couldn’t pass up buying, only to find ourselves wondering later, ”What was I thinking?”
Now, let’s consider a relationship. For many of us, what initially seemed ideal somehow morphed into something less than we had expected.
Early on, life was good, and you and your partner appeared on the same page. Together, you shared your hopes and dreams for the future. But over time, things started to slide, and then sometime later, your relationship went off the rails. While in many cases, relationships can be reoriented, for others, one or both partners realize there is no pathway back.
This brings us to breakups in a long-term relationship. What then?
When a Long-Term Relationship Breakup Happens
A breakup following a long-term relationship can be highly challenging. No kidding!
After spending years together, you’ve collected many memories, experiences, perhaps a kid or two, and a ton of stuff. The end of a significant relationship can bring about a whirlwind of emotions, a sense of uncertainty, and worry about the future.
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward. For many, the ability to even think straight can be a major challenge. However, it’s important to remember that this difficult time will pass and with it comes healing and growth.
Understanding the Impact of a Long-Term Breakup
When a long-term relationship ends, it can significantly impact every aspect of your life. From your daily routines like doing laundry, lawn care or carpooling to your long-term plans like trips, financial goals or retirement, a breakup can leave you feeling lost and emotionally fragile. You may feel sad, angry, confused, and even relieved.
Everyone’s response to a breakup is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
During this challenging time, it’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship and acknowledge the emotions that come with it. Avoiding or suppressing these feelings will only prolong the healing process. Instead, let your emotions do their thing and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
Letting Go and Moving Forward
Letting go of a long-term relationship takes time and patience. Unraveling and disconnecting from the emotional, physical, social and financial attachments to your ex-partner doesn’t happen overnight. Part of the path to healing involves redefining your identity outside of the relationship one step at a time.
One of the most difficult hurdles to overcome is no longer viewing yourself as a spouse or partner but instead, as an individual. Think about that for a minute. You may be surprised to learn how much of yourself you gave away in your relationship.
Here are some strategies to help you navigate this challenging transition:
1. Honor Your Feelings
Permit yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions from the breakup. Whether it’s sadness, anger, or confusion, allow yourself to experience and process these feelings without judgment. Bottling things up doesn’t work over time.
At the same time, some people often feel guilty for feeling relieved after a break up. And that’s okay, too, because there is often a sense of peace and relief when the tensions and stressors of the relationship are no longer present.
Keeping a journal or talking to a trusted friend can help express and understand your emotions.
2. Focus on Self-Care
Prioritizing self-care is crucial during times of transition. By taking the time to care for yourself, it reinforces your independence and individuality.
Get involved in activities that bring you comfort and joy, whether in nature, practicing yoga, or indulging in a hobby. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being helps provide an outlet for strength and resilience to develop, making moving forward much easier.
3. Rediscover Your Passions
Reconnect with activities and interests that bring fulfillment and meaning to your life. Too often, our passions take a backseat in favor of our relationships. Whether pursuing a long-neglected hobby or exploring new opportunities, investing time in your passions can reignite a sense of purpose and identity outside of the relationship.
4. Cultivate a Supportive Network
Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can listen but offer empathy, encouragement, and companionship. Having someone who will hear you without judgment goes a long way. Because breakups can make us feel less than okay, having someone who listens can be very self-affirming.
Lean on your friends and family for emotional support, and consider joining support groups or seeking professional counseling to gain additional guidance through this transition.
5. Reflect and Learn
Take time to reflect on your relationship and the lessons learned from it. Sometimes, it’s hard to step back and have a look from the outside in. However in time, you’ll be able to do this. And when you do, you will likely see things differently and gain some insights and perspectives you previously missed.
When this happens, you’ll be better able to acknowledge the growth and personal development resulting from the experience. Embracing self-reflection can provide valuable insights contributing to your emotional healing and future relationships.Your takeaways will also give you a foundation for moving forward by not repeating past patterns that might have been less than healthy.
Living Well After a Long-Term Breakup
As you gradually adjust to life after a breakup, it’s important to focus on living well and embracing the opportunities that come with this new chapter.
Here are some additional strategies to help you thrive post-breakup:
1. Set New Goals
Once the initial shock of the breakup subsides, start thinking about setting new personal and professional goals that align with who you are now. Since these will take some time to attain, the goals you set should consider your evolving aspirations and values.
Whether you’re pursuing further education, advancing in your career, or embarking on a new adventure, setting meaningful goals will help you gain a sense of purpose and direction.
2. Practice Gratitude
After a breakup, it’s difficult to feel grateful for anything. However, you can cultivate gratitude by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, regardless of the challenges you may be facing. Taking these simple steps goes a long way to moving forward and also lessening the effects of feeling depressed.
As corny as it might sound, expressing gratitude for the present moment and leaning on the supportive people in your life helps to build resilience and a positive outlook for the future.
3. Explore New Opportunities
We’ve already said that change can be challenging. But the upside of change is that it also opens the door to new opportunities. For this reason, consider embracing new experiences and opportunities to broaden your horizons and bring excitement into your life. The saying, ”You won’t know until you try it,” fits perfectly here.
Whether traveling to a new destination or joining a gym or a book club, being open to new experiences can lead to personal growth, a social network and fulfillment. Just do it!
4. Establish Healthy Boundaries
As you navigate life post-breakup, it’s time to consider establishing healthy boundaries that prioritize your well-being. At this point, you will hopefully be aware of the things that trigger you and those that hurt you. This is the time to pay attention to them and do something about it. There is no need to have a Round Two of what you’ve already gone through.
Setting healthy boundaries may involve limiting communication with your ex-partner, redefining relationships with mutual friends, and prioritizing activities that align with your personal growth. It may feel weird and unnatural at first, but you’ll find that in the long run, you’ll be a lot better off for it.
5. Seek Professional Guidance
If you find yourself struggling to cope with the aftermath of a breakup, seeking professional guidance from a therapist or counselor can offer valuable support and guidance. Struggling can include any other the following:
- difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
- difficulty concentrating
- overwhelming feelings of sadness
- inability to follow through with daily routines and responsibilities.
Professional mental health support can provide the tools and insights needed to get over the hump of this transitional phase with resilience, increased confidence and a sense of self-compassion.
Take Away
While the end of a long-term relationship can be as emotionally draining as it is challenging, it also offers an opportunity for personal growth, self-discovery, and the pursuit of a fulfilling life on your terms. How nice is that?
Moving forward starts by pushing through the breakup – NOT against it!
By embracing change, practicing self-care, and cultivating a positive mindset, you can navigate this transition with resilience and emerge stronger and more empowered.
